Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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