I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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