The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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