from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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