His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
She bit a glass in half.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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