I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
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