respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
