I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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