The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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