i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
She's the barista slut.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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