Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
i think my mom watched the whole time
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
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