Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
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