It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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