We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Randomize
