next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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