So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
