I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
COCAINE IS GR8
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
