I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
