i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
