someone get that fucking seahorse.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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