i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
