Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
