i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
i've created a new STD.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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