Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
