I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
When are your genitals available?
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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