omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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