Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
