All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
