we have pet lesbian snakes
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Randomize
