So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
So many bounce houses so little time
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
