shes about as inviting as chlamydia
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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