how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
