I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
