Pappa wants mamma naked
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
