After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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