Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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