I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
