He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Randomize
