separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
