he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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