I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Drunk is a universal language darling
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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