Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
