you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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