I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Randomize
