D3 body, D1 cock
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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