Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
My feet surprised me
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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