yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
