I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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