I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
