my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Randomize
