I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
