final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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